Musings: You will always be too much for somebody
A wise woman once said ‘if you round out your edges, you’ll lose your edge.’ Her name is Danielle Laporte and boy, is she right.
A little back story.
Two years ago at a low point in my business and Life, I succumbed to the negating chatter of a tribe of so called well-wishers and do-gooders. The kind that told me, mostly with their words but sometimes only with their smirks, how ridiculous an idea it was that I left the cushy leather car seats of the corporate world for the ragged hustle known as ‘be your own boss and do something good for the world.’
You’re too idealistic, Ushmi. You’re wasting your time. Do something good for this world? What does that even mean?
At first I smiled, I ignored. I knew better, my soul knew better. But then things began to get tough. I couldn’t pay the bills and I was working harder on my side job than on my business. I was depleted, and they, well they were right.
And so I stopped, I stopped sharing what I knew from deep within to be true. I stopped coaching. I stopped it all. Now and then shards of leftover inspiration would pierce their way through. But they were short lived. I’d share again. And then I’d stop. Like un-used paint, my well of goodness began to dry up.
To those that knew me, I shrugged off defeat. A fake smile can do wonders when nobody bothers to question it. Yet alone at night, I’d find myself shrivelled in the corner of a room, wondering if my gifts to the world would ever see light again.
I share this because I’m coming out. I’m done with dipping my toes in the seas that separate my worlds. I want all in. I want to swim fully in what lights my fire. And so, if I come across as too much, perhaps too idealistic for your taste, do me a favour and delete me. I need to make space in my Life for those who care.
No doubt there will be smirks. She’s at again, I can hear you say.
YES, I’m at it again, because this time I know how deeply painful it is to not live your soul’s longing, and those smirks, they don’t even come close to that pain.
And for the girl waiting in the corner for someone to give her permission to shine. This one is for you. May you know your courage over your fear, your light over your dark and your truth over your pain.
Know this: your idealism, your capacity to dream up and create your world as you see fit, is your gift. So, please don’t let anyone turn that sky of yours into a ceiling.
Written by Ushmi Dosaja ©